Here I am again, sharing my thoughts about the moving on and letting go. Am I that redundant? Or my experiences are just repeating?… I guess not.. The past was a different story and the latter was more than different.
Last week, we were doing rappel in our class in outdoor recreation subject. We had to rappel from the second floor of the building to the 1st floor and it was not that high like anyone would die. But of course, many of us had to go through our first time. When I was watching my classmates doing it, it was simple to look at and i did not feel any shaking hands and knees. So I assumed I was not afraid.
Then it was my turn. My teacher prepared my harness and the hook while I was holding the railings. He told me to let go of the railings. My right hand was holding the rope near my waist, placing it at my back. So I had to let go of my left hand so that I could move on. I was so hesitant to let go because I was afraid that I would fall instantly.
My teacher said, in life letting go is the hardest part but you still have to let go. I was still unsure of what to do then I decided to free my left hand but I held back the railings twice. So he told me, once you let it go, don’t hold it back and move on. Filling up all courage and confidence, I let go of the railings and slowly, I moved on by adjusting the grip of my right hand with the rope… When I reached the bottom, the feeling was fantastic. I felt like I wanted to try it again and again until the fears would be vanished.
Just like what the song said, he made me stronger by breaking my heart and saying goodbye. It is indeed not easy to let go and move on… but time heals all wounds and everything has its own time, it’s just a matter of when and how.
I miss him and maybe I still love him. These things can not be denied but things are not meant for us. Who knows, someone out there is just waiting to be found. But if time comes that we will meet again, I just do not know what to say in front of him. I just hope I could stop myself from hugging him. Well, at least a hug of friendship…
I have forgiven him but I just could not forget everything. Thanks for the memories, the laughter, the tears, the love and care that you once gave. Thanks for making me special and for treating me as your princess. Thanks!