It’s decided…

It had been three months since I last posted on this blog. I had the time to say my thoughts but I just could not figure out what did I really want to say. It was not easy being undecided all those times, you know that you have to make the decision but something, or perhaps someone, is hindering you.

Before I came home, my mind and heart was already set in breaking up with him. My plan was to tell him the day that we would see each other after arriving home. I refused to see him on the day of my flight because I was not yet prepared to discuss things with him. The next day, I dressed up myself in a way he would never forget me. I mean, I wore a dress which was not usually my style and I went to the salon to fix my hair. I really want to look perfect and prepared for the awaited break up. Yet all my plans were destroyed, I was too weak to resist his sorry and I missed him too much that I could not avoid his hugs and kisses. So I thought of breaking up with him on the next days to come since I had two months to say what should be said.

Days and weeks passed and he proved to me how worthy he was to be forgiven and given a second chance. I also realized I could not afford to lose him, I could not even dare to talk about breaking up. The wind changed its direction and we were happy on those two months of being together everyday. Still, I knew I had to make a decision before I would leave him again because I knew that he would do the same mistakes, in one way or another. See, how his mistakes ruined by trust and confidence in him. I knew he loves me, even until now, but I also knew that he needs someone who can be with him physically on any time. I just could not help but smile in my self whenever he talked about the future, that he would come in my graduation day. I felt how eager and excited he was in talking about these things but I was unsure if these plans would really happen. So I left things hanging in the air but I do love him, until now… I left him again. I have to and we had already talked that he would not do those mistakes again.

Just two or three weeks after I left, I learned he was with the girl and of all the people, it was my best friend who saw them together. It was the sign I waited and I broke up with him immediately, no explanations, no questions. He thought it was unfair for him because he said he was not doing anything wrong, they just met to clear things that they were over. He even brought back what I did almost four years ago wherein I also met my ex-boyfriend, he was so angry that he broke up with me but he forgave me…I know I was not that hundred percent honest with him but I was loyal and faithful.

He even said it was so easy for me to make that decision, but if he only knew how long have I thought of those things, it was never that easy for me. I love him from the start and until now… It is not easy letting go and moving on like nothing sad has happened. It is not easy pretending to others and to yourself that I am happy. Maybe they are together now or maybe not. My heart would feel uneasy each time I would open his friendster, hoping I would not see things which would just hurt me.

Her mom is still keeping in touch with me, even her sisters. What I just could not understand was why the girl keeps on sending me messages and sometimes, calling me. What does she want? He is free now and they both have the freedom to be together.

As for now, I am still single and still have no plans of searching someone for me. It feels great to be free, no hassles, no worries and no heartbreaks. I have enough time to take care of my heart and building my self again to become a better me after all that happened.

As everyone says, everything happens for a reason. And for sure, God always sends a rainbow after the rain. Life is beautiful, let us just enjoy it and cherish each day!

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