The pain and agony were indescribable. The words were fatal, stabbing every bit little by little… leaving each wound with a blood of heartaches, suffering and questions. It is indeed true that no amount of gentleness can make it easy for anyone to break somebody’s heart.
That was Septemeber 2004, few years ago when I learned the feeling of being left behind, struggling with my own worth – worth to be loved again that I would not be left anymore. It was not easy accepting the fact that she was better than me, it may seem subjective because I was not able to defend why I should be the best. It was my first experience of betrayal. I cried for one night and the next day, I wanted to cry but no more tears came out… just questions and maybe, there were regrets. I scanned for his messages in my phone, wondering if he really meant his words before that he would leave anybody for me. Well, I guess, he had said that to the other girl, that he already left me for her.
Those things were already in the past but I could not help but reminisce those in this time. I already felt it, that there is something wrong. You know, a girl’s sensitive instinct. I can sense that he has been lying to me and he hides something he would never dare to let me know. The fact that he hides something makes me more curious. There are pieces of evidence to prove his disloyalty but he still denies everything. I was not there to witness the scene, poor me.
They said that long distance relationship is really difficult to handle, especially on my part that I was the one who left him behind. As of now, it is not easy to make decisions, whether it can make or break. The only thing I know, it is more painful this time.
Betrayal… please leave me this time…